MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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