They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
