my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
