You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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