I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
