Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
