This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
