oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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