My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
