I heard we made out
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
