3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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