If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
