how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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