brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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