I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
