Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x

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(248): View more from Michigan

He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......

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(906): View more from Michigan

I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down

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(404): View more from Georgia

Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.

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(719): View more from Colorado

What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.

Fav 0 53 11
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