His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
