I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i have two assholes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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