Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
