I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
