"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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