tell your sister to shave her snatch
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
