I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
