I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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