Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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