I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
