there's paper in my vomit.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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