I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
