apparently the secret to your success is patron
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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