I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
