She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
