i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
