he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
