Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
