I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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