I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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