Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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