Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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