he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
