If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
