I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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