Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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