apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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