I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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