margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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