Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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