1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
NoShamevember. You game?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
