He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
