i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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