I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
