She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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