Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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