just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
