Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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