Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
