Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
