Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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