you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
