Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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