There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize