Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
