the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
