You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
