3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
