Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
