I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
