I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
