After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
