i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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