doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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