No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
