oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm passing your future prison.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
