Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
