goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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