I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
porn star boner night. come get it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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