i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
