dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
false alarm, still single
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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