Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
