So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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