I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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