my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think my moral compass just broke
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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