Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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